Do you ever find it hard to kiss your husband hello at the end of the day when he comes home from work? Do you get annoyed every time he gives you a proper hug that you can’t escape from? Have you lost count of the number of days since you last had sex with your husband??
Our marriage came before children and it will remain after they have all grown up. We need to always keep our marriage a top priority. Motherhood is a full time job and one of the most exhausting jobs there is. But it doesn’t mean we get given a ‘get-out-of-marriage for free’ card until your kids have left the house. We have to continue to maintain a healthy marriage throughout motherhood.
Having a healthy marriage will create a healthy family. When there’s insecurity, resentment or dissatisfaction in our marriage it reflects in the whole family. Family life can get pretty full on and some days all our physical and emotional energy can be completely sapped well before dinner time. So how do we muster up the energy for our marriage at the end of the day??
Here’s a few things we try to stay on top of in our marriage whilst raising our four kids:
1. Reevaluate priorities and make changes
This may sound like a cliche but it’s so important. If something is not working then you need to change it! Not having enough sex because you’re too tired all the time? You need to go to bed earlier and get at least 7 hours of sleep and then wake him up with a nice surprise!! We constantly talk through any issues in family life and discuss how we can improve and what changes need to be made.
2. Have lots of sex
This is the most important thing you can do as a mother. Making love is the best way to show and tell our husbands that we love, honour and respect them and are making them our priority. When we stop making love to our husbands it can make them incredibly insecure and feel useless as a husband and a father. Connecting through intimacy brings a security to our marriage. Husbands can so easily feel that the only thing they’re needed for is to bring home a pay cheque. Sex is serious affirmation for husbands. It doesn’t matter how you feel about sex as a wife, just know that that is how they feel and will always feel about it. Without sex in the marriage they will feel like they’re failing.
3. Spend time with God
Again this may sound obvious, but spending time reading the Bible (not just bible studies, scripture of the day, or blogs), praying and listening to the Holy Spirit will give you focus and encouragement for the day. When our eyes are on Him all our ‘issues’ disappear – amazing.
4. Let your husband be a husband
Men are called to be the priest of the home, but so often us wives don’t give them the opportunity to fulfil that role. We take it away by disciplining the kids all by ourselves, hearing from God for our husband and showing him that we can do everything all by ourself. This can make the husband feel useless and flaunting how well we take care of the kids, the house and them, and that they couldn’t make it one day without us, only makes it worse. Let your man be a man! Let him give direction, instruction and protection.
5. Remember to Laugh
Going on dates is sometimes just not an option when we’ve got young kids, but staying in and having fun is always a great night. My husband always knows how to make me laugh and it really is the best medicine. Watching a comedy, having a tickle fight, making fun of our horrible days always releases any stress of the day and connects us. This is something my husband had to teach me, but it has really changed my life. He’s shown me how having fun can be helpful.
What’s one thing you can do this week to improve your marriage??
I’m going to be making some changes to the blog over the next couple of weeks. I’m doing it myself so there will be no big reveal but don’t be alarmed if things are a little different. And if you can’t find anything let me know! I hope you enjoy seeing some new things here. xx