Are You Messing Up Your Marriage?

Are you messing up your marriage?


In our generation we see all over the telly how women are smarter, braver, quicker and better than men and that they just can’t get out of bed without our help.  As wives we are the helpmeet, aid, companion and partner to our husbands.  But have we taken this too far?  Are we getting carried away with our skills of meeting needs and filling in the gaps?  When I was reading through the Old Testament I saw three wives who married Godly husbands and who God had great plans for.  They loved God and their husbands but they took their role of wife too far and caused huge ripple effects in the lives of their families from trying to make things happen in their own strength without trusting in God and their husbands.

Sarah and Abraham were promised a child at an age past her fertility.  Sarah got tired of waiting and decided to take things into her own hands and convinced her husband to sleep with her maid to give birth to a son.  Now Abraham did have a son, Ishmael, but in his wife’s way and not God’s.  We are still living with the turmoil of Sarah’s interference with God’s plan.

Rebekah had twin sons but loved one more than the other.  God had told Rebekah that her sons would be two nations that would always be rivals and that the younger son would serve the oldest.   But when her husband chose the oldest son, Esau, to receive the blessing she took things into her own hands.  She planned a plot to deceive her blind husband to pass the blessing of God to her favourite son, Jacob.  There was turmoil in her sons lives for over a decade and Esau’s wives gave her and Isaac misery.

Rachel was a beautiful women well loved by her husband Jacob.  But she was so jealous for her husbands love because he was also married to her sister.  She despised her sister for having four sons and she was unable to give birth.  She told her husband to give her children or else she would die,  When her husband told her that he wasn’t God and that He was the one stopping her from having children she told her husband to have sex with her maid to give her children.  After years God gave her a son – Joseph.  Joseph’s brothers beat him and sold him into slavery out of jealousy.  Now where did they get that from??

These wives loved their husbands and loved God, so how could they mess up their marriage and families so much?  By trying to fulfil the promises of God in their own strength and in their own timeline rather than being patient and submissive.  What a lesson for us to learn.  Submission is Godly.  It is not to keep us quiet, de-valued or enslaved.  It’s to protect us, strengthen us and receive all the blessing God has for us.

If you’ve received a promise, but it just seems like it’s never going to happen or it’s just plain impossible – just wait.  Don’t take things into your hands.  Don’t do your wifely duty of meeting the need, fulfilling the vision and filling the gap.  Wait on God’s timing and remember that when we are weak (impatient, frustrated, and fed up) our God’s strength is perfect.*  Don’t give in to the temptation of jumping the gun and dragging the whole family with you in the process.  Wait, and keep waiting until his strength is made perfect and his will is revealed in full.  Listen to your husband, submit in love and wait on the Lord.

* 2 Corinthians 12:9



14 thoughts on “Are You Messing Up Your Marriage?

  1. This is a great post and spoke very much to me. It is so easy to lose faith in God’s timing and try to make things happen on my own. It is especially hard to wait when you have others that are expecting you to make it happen. Great reminder that God’s way and timing is best!

  2. Oh Jenny, how I need to be reminded of this day in and day out! Thanks for putting together such an excellent post tying this all together! Thanks for linking with Make A Difference Mondays : )

    • Yes I have learned so much from the Old Testament even though we can feel it’s so ‘out there’ in it’s culture and times. But God is always at work in us no matter what the date is! Thanks for stopping by.

  3. This is such an encouraging post and the part you wrote, “If you’ve received a promise, but it just seems like it’s never going to happen or it’s just plain impossible – just wait.  Don’t take things into your hands.” is so true even for a single sister. A lot of promises that are worth waiting for – no need of jumping the gun especially, as Stephanie rightly puts it, when you have others expecting you to make it happen.
    Gonna have to make this marriage with Jesus Christ work; gotta submit!

    • So glad to hear you were encouraged and strengthened to remain in God’s timeline instead of looking at our own. You’re always doing the right thing when you’re submitting to His will. Stay strong in Him!

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  5. Reading this post, I am struck by the realization that each of these three women made either their marriage or child-bearing a higher priority than loving and serving God. One can’t help but wonder how things might have turned out if their priorities had been better.

    On the other hand, God seems to delight in bringing about His will and purpose through our imperfections…

    Thanks for the thought-provoking post!

    • It’s also interesting how there were many husbands in the Old Testament who listened to their wives instead of God. A very scary lesson for couples but so thankful we are under his grace which gives us hope!!

  6. Such a hard lesson, but such a good one! There have been PLENTY of times in my marriage when I want to do things my own way on my own time. Thankfully, I am learning to trust God and my husband more and more every day and to see that my way isn’t always right. Slowly. but surely. lol

    • We’re all learning and patience and trust is a really hard one for me too! Learning to honour and respect my husband is helping me submit to Gods timing of things more than my own. So thankful for my gracious husband! X

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